I had come to believe that I was afraid of commitment. I avoided making commitments and prided myself on living a life of freedom and whimsy. The idea of making a commitment felt strangling to me, that I would feel suffocated and would not be able to keep up my commitment. I was so afraid of losing my freedom, that freedom to be myself to come and go as I pleased.
Two years ago when I rented my apartment I was uncomfortable with the idea of making a years commitment to my landlord. Oh but then I thought it should be easy to get out of the lease if I really needed to and that soothed my fears. Now I have been in the apartment for two years and love the comfort of it plus I like the safety of having a great place to live.
Then a few weeks ago my partner asked me to marry her. Yikes, I was scared and nervous....what should I say, would I feel the noose of a commitment, yikes oh no what to say, what to say? There she was asking and there were my children both excited and waiting, waiting for my answer. After fumbling with a few comments I finally said 'Yes' and of course there was the thought that I could retract later if I needed to. Phew, this commitment thing is so hard........
Now in the last few weeks since we have become 'engaged' our relationship has been better than ever and there is such a sense of peace for me. I am no longer just 'in a relationship for now' or 'just hanging out with her a lot’; I am committed to the relationship. Not only am I committed to the relationship but also I am committed to making it the best relationship I have ever had. I am committed to embracing all the parts of the relationship not just the 'best' parts. The relationship has elevated from two people spending their lives together to two people committed to spending their lives together. Wow, what is incredible about this entire experience for me is the freedom I am feeling. Instead of feeling strangled by the commitment I feel so much freer to be myself and to appreciate who she is.
I was sitting in an A.A. meeting and it occurred to me that making commitments in my life creates more freedom on many levels. When I made the commitment to stop drinking I had a freedom because I was no longer controlled by the obsession of when I would drink next (mind you that was 25 years ago).
When I made the decision to give up sugar I also felt a sense of freedom since I was no longer constantly thinking about when I would eat something sweet again. It was such a relief to free myself of that obsession and have time to think of other wonderful things!
I have come to realize that by making a commitment to anything allows me to have the freedom of knowing what I will do without the constant wonder of it. By making a commitment to exercise everyday and then doing it, I am no longer wondering each day if I should exercise or not. What a freedom to know the things I will do without having to mull it around in my mind.
So now I know, making a commitment is not like putting a noose around my neck instead it is giving me the freedom to be who I am and that is a joy!
Two years ago when I rented my apartment I was uncomfortable with the idea of making a years commitment to my landlord. Oh but then I thought it should be easy to get out of the lease if I really needed to and that soothed my fears. Now I have been in the apartment for two years and love the comfort of it plus I like the safety of having a great place to live.
Then a few weeks ago my partner asked me to marry her. Yikes, I was scared and nervous....what should I say, would I feel the noose of a commitment, yikes oh no what to say, what to say? There she was asking and there were my children both excited and waiting, waiting for my answer. After fumbling with a few comments I finally said 'Yes' and of course there was the thought that I could retract later if I needed to. Phew, this commitment thing is so hard........
Now in the last few weeks since we have become 'engaged' our relationship has been better than ever and there is such a sense of peace for me. I am no longer just 'in a relationship for now' or 'just hanging out with her a lot’; I am committed to the relationship. Not only am I committed to the relationship but also I am committed to making it the best relationship I have ever had. I am committed to embracing all the parts of the relationship not just the 'best' parts. The relationship has elevated from two people spending their lives together to two people committed to spending their lives together. Wow, what is incredible about this entire experience for me is the freedom I am feeling. Instead of feeling strangled by the commitment I feel so much freer to be myself and to appreciate who she is.
I was sitting in an A.A. meeting and it occurred to me that making commitments in my life creates more freedom on many levels. When I made the commitment to stop drinking I had a freedom because I was no longer controlled by the obsession of when I would drink next (mind you that was 25 years ago).
When I made the decision to give up sugar I also felt a sense of freedom since I was no longer constantly thinking about when I would eat something sweet again. It was such a relief to free myself of that obsession and have time to think of other wonderful things!
I have come to realize that by making a commitment to anything allows me to have the freedom of knowing what I will do without the constant wonder of it. By making a commitment to exercise everyday and then doing it, I am no longer wondering each day if I should exercise or not. What a freedom to know the things I will do without having to mull it around in my mind.
So now I know, making a commitment is not like putting a noose around my neck instead it is giving me the freedom to be who I am and that is a joy!
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